We only want a table at a restaurant .....

Me: "I would like to book a table please - and I should let you know that we have 1 vegan, 1 vegetarian, and 1 with gluten-free needs. I hope you can accomodate us?"
Fankie&Bennies (an hour later they call me back): "I'm sorry. We cannot give you gluten free food, but if you want to bring a gluten free pizza from Tesco we will heat it up for you."
Me:"I'm sorry - did you just tell me to bring my own food?"
F&B:"Not at all, madame. It's just that we can't offer gluten free food, but I know for a fact that Tesco do a gluten free pizza. If you bring a pizza from Tesco, it will be more cost effective for you, madame, and you still get to have that full restaurant experience."
Me: "ummm ..... No thanks."

Me: "I would like to book a table please - and I should let you know that we have 1 vegan, 1 vegetarian, and 1 with gluten-free needs. I hope you can accomodate us?"
Prezzo:" Well, for gluten free you could have the chicken salad, or the calzone, or ...."
Me:"Hang on .. isn't calzone like a folded pizza?"
Prezzo: "Umm... I don't understand ..."
Me:"Isn't it made from dough?"
Prezzo:"Yes"
ME:"Made from wheat flour?"
Prezzo:"Yes"
Me:"So, not gluten free, then?"
Prezzo:"No"
Me:"OK ... well, I know I can have the risotto- I've had it before, but the important diner is the vegan - it's for her birthday. Can you accomodate her?"
Prezzo:"Well, there's the garlic bread ..."
Me:" Does that have butter?"
Prezzo:"Yes"
Me:"So, not vegan, then"
Prezzo:" Ummm... no? There's the bruschetta"
Me:"Your online menu says that has mozzerella on. Is that right?"
Prezzo:"Sometimes. There is also the pasta al forno."
Me:"Does that have cheese on?"
Prezzo:"Yes"
Me:"So ... not vegan?"
Prezzo:"But it has the 'V' on the menu, this must be wrong..."
Me:"V for VEGETARIAN, but I need to know about VEGAN food?"
Prezzo:"Well, there's the chicken salad...."
Me:"Are you serious?"
Prezzo:"Yes"
Me: ...

Good Grief.
We're booked in at ASK.